"DELIVERY???"

Wow!!! That is how I have to start this post. So Friday night things seemed to go bad, and quickly at that. Chris and I were visited in my room by the maternal fetal doc. All he started with was: "We are sending you to labor and delivery"....... I just knew what was coming next. He continued with: "I want to monitor her hear rate consistently, and if anything looks funny we will deliver TONIGHT!! So I of course starting getting really worked up and frantic. It was just then that the nurse walked in with my wheelchair to move me down. Once I got down there they would not let me eat, drink nothing. Before you get a C-section you cannot eat or drink for 6 hours before. So in preparation for that I was left starving and thirsty. They also have to put an IV in to give fluids, and antibiotics before. Well let me just tell you that was the worst part of my night.

I was so dehydrated from not getting to drink, that it made it so difficult to get my IV in. It took until the 4th time of being poked and prodded to find a good vein. I was almost in tears, and my blood pressure had skyrocketed to 160/90. The nurse asked me to calm down and take deep breaths. You can imagine at this point I wasn't to interested in what she had to say. So after all the excitement calmed and Addi was on the monitor, our family all left and let us get some sleep. I would like to think I was going to get sleep, but what a joke that was. With a blood pressure cuff on, monitors on my belly, and a hip roll under my back it wasn't going so well. I just stared at Addi's hear rate all night needles to say. After finally falling asleep, we were woke up by the doctor at 7:00am. We were expecting after all this preparation to here we are delivering her. Oh don't worry the doctor came in and said: "You know she looks spectacular on the monitor, so we are sending you back upstairs sorry." I wanted to burst into tears at this point. I have now been living at the hospital for 11 DAYS, and let me just say it is something different everyday. I know that they are just trying to find the right moment, but meanwhile it puts us through hell. The best way they have described is that they don't want to take her out sick, and they don't want to wait for something horrible to happen.

So we are walking a fine line of when to take her out. My doctor wants to take her while she is still healthy, but it needs to be enough change to take her. I know this must all sound confusing, now imagine hearing this day in day out while living at the hospital. I feel so shut off from the world right now, and I feel so trapped living in my little hospital room. Well the only positive at this point is that she has made it to almost 32 WEEKS :) None of the doctors thought she would even make 31, let alone 32. We also have another big appointment tomorrow(her growth scan). That will really help make the doctors minds up we think. She hasn't been growing, so we don't think she has done much since her last appt. She was 2lbs 3oz 12 days ago, so we will see what she is tomorrow. Thanks all for listening to my venting, I just start going stir crazy with all of these emotions. I just wish I could enjoy being pregnant with Addi and feeling her little movements. It never happens though, because it's always how strong were her kicks, how often is she moving etc... I can't just enjoy a simple kick from my baby girl. It really is hard sometimes when you just wish to not be pregnant anymore. I know that isn't how it should be, so that is why I get so down on it sometimes. Thank you all again for listening, and until tomorrow...... To be continued.......